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Father's Day is still Hard

Father's day has always been a tough holiday for me to navigate. Growing up, I didn't have a defined father, so I would wish my deceased grandfather a "happy father's day". But I only met him once or twice before he died, I was only about 4. Then I would wish my adopted uncle (no actual relation) a "happy father's day" but he wasn't really in my life after the age of 6. Then for many years I would say the stupid, "well, god is my father," to get over my lack. Eventually, the day made me bitter, sad, angry, and uncomfortable. I tried to erase the day from existence by actively ignoring it. Unfortunately, the harder I tried to ignore it, the more I focused on it. It became my "elephant in a tutu". Two years ago now, I learned who my biological father is. I know his name, what he looks like. I have even met him a couple times. You would think this knowledge would make the day easier. Unfortunately, you would think wrong. All this
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"Shall I Begin Again?" Opening Premise

Have you ever wondered, I mean really sat down and thought, if you would be a different person had the events in your life been different? Would you be braver? Kinder? Crueler? Quieter?  What would you be like if you'd had different parents? If you'd been a part of a different sport or in a different  club? If you'd been bullied, or not? If you'd gone to that school or taken that job? If you'd stayed in that relationship?  How would you be different? Or, would you? Are our lives and our beings determined by our experiences or our biology? Or maybe something else entirely?  Nature.  Nurture.  God.  What is it that makes us who we are?  Was I destined to always be this awkward? Would every version of myself be afraid of commitment? Would I be a freer person if I hadn't been raised in a culture of shame about my dress, about my interests, about my sexuality?  What if I told you there is a way to answer these questions? A way to find out whether our outcomes are des
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